12:4

I've been thinking so much on how my teenage years are going to end pretty soon, in a years time as I turn 20. I wanna remember how awesome my teenage life has been. (though its been pretty much mundane with my really rigid lifestyle) I wanna party, maybe. I'm not exactly the party type of girl, but i like having fun with friends. Friends, I really do love and cherish them a lot. I hope they do too, including my love ones. It hurts when both sides just can't get along and you're pretty much stuck in the middle most of the time? Yeah that has been pretty much my life. I wish everyone would get along, and be really open about each other. Not the whole shit of jealousy..................period I've been thinking a lot about life, how am I going to survive in future. My job, my husbands, my pets, my kids, my family? Am I going to live a really comfortable life, or be struggling it. The actual fact is i'd rather not live. You know the kind of pain when you can't obtain something tho how much you try? I wish someone could teach me how to be happy, or make me happy? I need that person that genuinely cares, and would never EVER discriminate me. I feel like i've been discriminated my whole life, thus the damn low self esteem. Too many flaws that will never be perfected. I mean, okay I don't need perfection but I want to be told that its okay. I don't want to have to worry over bullshit that's not worth my time, I want time well spent, that's all.
xoxo