I just wanna cry for joy, just once. I've cried way too many times on public just because I havent felt good or happy worthy over anything. I distance, I feel it and I hate it. I hate how i stupidly put myself in this position. I even have second thoughts on my anticipated trip now. I dont think i'll be happy at all.

I thought I was going to be fine. But it struck me time after time. It doesnt mean its going to be okay the next day even if today seems fine.

It started simple. And then I knew I was going to love you forever. Even when it hurts to breathe. I just can't love another the same, period.

I dont think id ever find a replacement for you. And i dont want to.

When there is nothing left to say
When the things you say didn't mean
When I just kept having my hopes up for no reason
When I think of things I didn't want anymore

I miss you. But I had enough. I can't live every single day of my life worrying something (predictable) might happen. Since I already know its coming, then whats the point right? That isnt what I want. What's a relationship when I have to prepare for the worst. But thats probably just the way I am.

I couldnt even have the one and only thing every relationship needs to have. Trust.

I fought. I fought for years. But what was I fighting for? I dont want to fight for love that I couldnt trust.